The delicate branches of the kowhai tree, get bullied by the rain.
A fat kereru lands on the tree pecking at the flowers, harvesting
For the oncoming winter.
Ivy bursts into flames causing it to stick out like a sore thumb.
Dry leaves crunch under foot and clog up the gutters like a cork in
A champagne bottle.
The rose buds curl into their hard coats, shy of the weather.
The season is coming to a close as the winter draws nearer.
Hi Honor! My name is Mia from Yaldhurst Model School. WOW! I really liked your writing, you did a really good job at not using the word 'autumn', although, I could totally understand that you were talking about it.
ReplyDeleteI think the first thing I would do is describe the colors around me, because red, orange, yellows and browns are one of the first things I think of when I think of autumn. What was your favorite part of writing this?
To improve, maybe you could write a bit more information, like the smell and taste.
Awesome work!
Mia
Hi Mia,Thank you for commenting on my blog.You had a lot of good positive and helpful things to say. I could add some more detail but it is a poem so therefore I think it is suitable not to have that much info. Thank you
DeleteHonor
Hi Honor it's Bessie
ReplyDeleteI like your descriptive words in your piece of writing I especially like the second paragraph with Ivy bursting into flames I think it is a really good piece of writing.
Great job
Bessie
Thanks
ReplyDeleteHonor